You should embrace what you are. Check out the BBW porn sites to see how many guys love your body type.

For myself, I had a spell when I went for larger women, and that was my own inferior thoughts about myself being only able to go with someone larger than myself. Like you say, it is your own thoughts that are the enemy.

If you need to lose weight for health then it is understandable, but don't think less of yourself.

I got to the point in life when the inner self/soul was what turned me on. Self-confident, strong women have always attracted me anyhow, no matter their appearance.